Day 213 - Seven Months
Dear Leigh Ann,
Another letter I'll write to you knowing I'll receive nothing in return. But it is a way of remembering that there was a time when we could write to each other, share stories with each other, tell each other what we're thinking, feeling, wondering.
I want nothing more than to see you again. Whether that's tomorrow, next year, or 50 years from now, that day when our eyes meet for the first time, well Sug, I plan on that day lasting for a long, long time! If my "job" during my first few years in Heaven is to simply follow you around then God and I are definitely on the same page.
I can't begin to comprehend what seven months in Heaven is like. All we talk about on Earth is what a "glorious day" it will be when we see Jesus face to face. But you've had 213 "glorious days." You're far removed from your very first day in Heaven and I wonder if your 213th day feels like your first the way my 213th day without you feels like my first. I wonder if the amount of grief I've felt is comparable to the amount of joy you've felt. Just wish I knew what you've been up to.
People continue to ask how I'm doing. They're still concerned for me and the kids. I tell them we're past the point of getting up each day and expecting you to be here with us. I tell them it's a completely new life, a life that none of us wanted. I'd change it back to the way it was in a heartbeat but the reality of our days now are days spent without you. God's not giving you back so we're trying to live life without the one who meant the most to us. And it's so very hard.
Let me catch you up on the kids...
Malia is growing up so fast! She wants a Toy Story party for her birthday so I'm having all the adults and kids dress up in their favorite character. She wants to be either Bo Peep or Barbie! Should be plenty of photo opps! She's looking more and more like her mother. Just wish you could see her.
Bailey is doing so well in school. Math seems to be his subject. You'd have such a blast doing Math homework with him. His cast comes off in two weeks!
Caden wants to play tackle football! He's 50 lbs soaking wet and he wants to put on pads and go get tackled. Might not be too long before we have some more broken bones!
Malia's bday will be our first birthday without you Sug. I know you'd be right here with us if you could so we'll do the best we can to put on happy faces. I hate planning these without you not because it's overwhelming but because this was something we'd do together. Birthdays, Trick or Treating, Thanksgiving, Christmas. We'd do all those things together.
The next three months will be the hardest of my life. I'd ask God to loan you to us but one look at you and I'd never let you go. I'd hold onto you forever. And though I miss you more than you know I truly hope you're not doing the same in Heaven. Rather I hope you'll spend the next three months growing closer and closer to our Savior. We'll make it through somehow.
People continue to honor you and the life you lived. Three couples have used your name in some way as a part of their newborn's name. Three babies with names that will remind us all of you! I'm floored each time I hear that you will be a part of that child's story whenever they're asked how they got their name. I know you'd be embarrassed but that's because you are who you are: Humble, genuine, sincere, honest, unpretentious.
Your gravestone came in over the weekend. Should be placed tomorrow or Friday. I got a sneak peek last Sunday and it looks really good Sug. After Caden saw your face on the stone he said, "Dad, I know Mom got a new body in Heaven but I'm not sure what improvements God could have made!" Very true Caden, very true.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about you a thousand times Leigh Ann. I miss "us."
I love you,
Me
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