Day 183

Monday, September 6th, 2010


Day 183 – Six Months


Dear Leigh,


It’s been six months without you. Ironically, I write to you from a place of great familiarity. More on that in a moment.


The kids and I are trying to figure out life without you. How do we live knowing we’ll always miss you but also knowing God hasn’t called us home yet? I’m not sure where we’re at in the process but each day we’re slowly figuring out how to live on our own. Everyone is pitching in and doing their part. Malia is quite the helper and has done so well at recruiting her brothers to “help clean Bailey and Caden!”

The kids are expressing how much they miss you in different ways. Bailey has been crying a few times a week right before bed time. I guess something about the way you put him to bed reminds him of how it used to be. Caden is asking more philosophical and theological questions – about life, Heaven, etc. We sat on the porch swing this morning and talked for quite some time. Malia has had to tell a few people about you dying. You’d be so proud of the way the kids are handling themselves. I’m asking a lot of them and they’re complaints are minimal.


I’m missing you too. More than I’ve ever missed you. School is in full swing and things are going so well. I’ve wanted to tell you so many things since classes started. I think I miss that most. Talking to you. There’s just no one to talk with like we used to talk.

Does Room 315 ring a bell? That’s where I’m at right now as I write to you. Bailey broke his elbow yesterday and needed surgery. We went to Mercy Gilbert but after talking to a few people we decided to move him to PCH. As we were getting checked in one of the nurses asked if we wanted to stay on the 3rd floor after the operation. Bay wanted to stay in a room “mommy worked in.” The whole family joined me in the waiting room.  The surgery went fine and so they wheeled him up to room 315. I thought it’d be comforting to be here sug, but I was met with several pictures of you the minute I walked off the elevator. You are so loved by your co-workers. Everyone is so glad to have us spend the night on your floor and they’re taking great care of Bay. But seeing your pictures and all the nurses wearing Unit 3 shirts brings back so many strong memories. Too strong for right now. I needed you so much yesterday. The kids and I have been through so many “firsts,” but I didn’t think that taking one of them to get surgery on a broken bone would be a part of that list. Many family and friends stayed with us the entire day and that was great. They went out of their way to show Bailey (and me) a great deal of love. I just hated telling all the admin nurses that Bay doesn’t have a mother any longer. I wanted you to look at his arm and help me decide what we should have done.

Supracondylar Humerus Fracture

Ride in the ambulance (no lights or sirens) :(

Post-op success!

Some have said that they could "feel" you throughout this whole thing.  That you were here with us in your old stomping grounds.  I don't know about any of that.  I didn't feel much other than missing you. 

Recognizing Leigh Ann

On Leigh's old office door

I know you’re wanting me to keep trusting God, keep praying, keep hoping for Heaven. I know you know we’re in His hands and that everything will be alright. I know you can see things so much differently that we can. I don’t know how it all works but I know you’re aware of what we went through yesterday and I know you’re praying for us. Just seems like the “perfect storm,” with Bay ending up on your floor the exact day of your 6-month “going home,” date.


I can’t look out past today sug because it’s too hard to imagine the rest of my life without you. So I’ll focus on today – getting Bay discharged, picking up his meds, taking him home, and getting him used to his cast. We’ll be okay but don’t ever, even for a second, think we don’t want/need you here with us. This weekend was another blatant reminder that life will forever be different without you.


My love is always for you. I count each day as just one more day closer to our reunion. I’ll serve our Lord as best as I can until then. Take care honey. I’ll see you so very soon.

-Me

Prayer Requests:
- That God would heal Bay's little body
- That God would make the next six months go by quickly

"Father, thank You for giving Bay a good operation and allowing his body to begin the healing process.  Thank You for reminding me how little in control I am and how much I need to depend on You.  Please continue to make Yourself known to me and the kids.  Missing Leigh is such a part of our lives but I don't want that to consume us.  I want to be consumed in knowing You."