Day 283

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

Day 283 - Malia's great love these days is children.  She adores her baby cousin Liam, constantly wants to go over to the neighbors to play with their newborn, and when she can't be near a real baby she finds comfort in playing with one of the dozens of dolls in her room.

Tonight turned out to be a difficult one as Bailey and Malia spent a few minutes before bedtime watching a video of Leigh Ann.  Bay had asked to use my laptop so he and Malia could watch a video in his room.  I just didn't know it was that video.  Had I known I wouldn't have allowed them to watch it, not because I don't want them remembering Leigh, but because I know what this does to them especially right before they have to go to bed.

Bailey's crying lasted for quite some time but after back scratches and hugs he calmed down (enough to shut his eyes).  Malia, who rarely cries from missing Leigh, had her head buried in her pillow when I went into her room.  After several attempts to get her to turn over she admitted that she too was sad.  And when she started to cry the only thing I could think of was babies.  I told her my guess is that mommy is up in Heaven taking care of all the little babies who have died before their mommys and daddys.  I told her mommy is really busy and that one day she may need a helper and I asked Malia if she'd like to be mommy's helper one day.  She said she'd like that.  Then she shut her eyes and now she's asleep.

There's no magic formula to grieving.  You try your best to remedy the situation and tonight the thought of Malia helping Leigh Ann in Heaven seemed to have worked for her.

I'll admit not too much these days is working for me.  I see three "babies" right in front of me that are in desperate need for their mother.  Only God knows how all of this makes sense.

I continued to watch the video and I should have taken my own advice - not a great thing to do before bedtime. 

"Father, bring peace to Bailey and Malia tonight.  Let their little hearts find rest in You."