Day 78 – Was awakened last night at 12:30 a.m. by Bailey (6 yr old) climbing into my bed only to be further awakened a few minutes later by the sound of Bailey throwing up all over the bed. Poor little guy. He had been sick all day and we thought he had it beat. Apparently not. There’s nothing quite like the smell of sweet, acidic vomit in the middle of the night! I don’t think you’re officially a parent until you’re half-awake, looking at your child’s vomit and pondering, “So that’s what a cheese crisp looks like after being in a stomach for six hours. Hmm. Would’ve expected it to be more yellow.”
His throwing up made me miss Leigh Ann. Not because I needed help changing sheets (small miracle I found extra sheets) or cleaning up (though let’s be honest – if she were here I probably would’ve pretended to sleep through the whole thing). I miss her because there’s just something about a mother comforting her sick child in the middle of the night that was lacking last night. I handled it methodically – move him to the bathroom, clean him up, get him to bed, clean up mess, start laundry. Leigh would’ve done the same but she also would’ve crawled into bed with Bay and scratched his back until he fell asleep, or she would have put a wet rag on his forehead and told him everything is going to be alright. My focus was on the mess, hers would’ve been on the sick child. Bay did drift off to sleep saying “I love you daddy,” which gave me assurance that it wasn’t a total flop. Just wish Leigh was here.
Have missed my wife many times these past few days. Got up yesterday morning, made some coffee, read John 1 out on the front porch, picked up the house, vacuumed, showered, got ready for church, got the kids ready for church, and headed out. This would not have happened three months ago. I miss Leigh Ann because I wanted to show her that I do have it in me to make changes, even at my age. It felt good to get up and move around with some purpose as opposed to waiting until the last minute to get ready for church and then rush around like your head has been chopped off. Prior to Leigh’s death a typical Sunday morning would be Leigh wanting us to pick up the house before church and me wanting to drink coffee and sit around before church.
Why does it take something so traumatic for us to make changes? I have so far to go in the “change” department but even little things like yesterday a.m. make me sad that I’ll have to wait until Heaven to tell Leigh she was right about so many things.
I have no platform to dispense any marital wisdom to anyone but I will say to all the husbands out there, don’t miss opportunities to serve your wife. Rather than come up with all the reasons not to do something, I’m telling you as someone who doesn’t have the chance anymore, do the things that please your wife. Whether or not you’re jazzed about it pales to the joy it brings her knowing you love her so much that you’ll do anything for her. I live each day with some regret thinking of how I could’ve loved Leigh better, honored her more, served her more. Take advantage of the chances you still have.
My summer break begins today and while it will be busier than previous summers, it’s summer nonetheless. That means waking up a little later, having some days with nothing on the agenda, etc. As I plan out what to do in June/July I already am missing those days when there will not be much to do and so it would’ve been a great time to spend with Leigh. I’m going to miss having a “lazy day” around the house with just the two of us and the kids. I’m going to miss a spur of the moment trip to Flagstaff or a late night game-night with some friends. Yes, it is summer and the kids and I will have some great moments together. It’s not the busy days that I’m worried about. It’s the “no plans for the day” days. Guess I’m hoping there won’t be too many of them.
On a good note – had a great time at church yesterday. Good teaching and good worship. Our worship team does such a great job of playing/singing, so much so that you can’t help but spend your time focusing on the actual words being sung. Novel concept huh?! Yesterday all the words centered around Christ and God and the praise They deserve. It was so comforting to spend time praising the God who has Leigh Ann alive and well in Heaven and who has provided us a purpose here on Earth. Still have a host of questions but it wasn’t time to have them answered. It was time to get the focus off of me and onto my Savior. Felt good to do that.
Prayer Requests:
- Praise for friends of ours who delivered their baby boy on Friday!
- Prayers for kids’ health (especially Bailey). Lots of trips planned over the next 30 days and it’d be a huge bummer if any of them were sick.
- Prayers for the slow days this summer.
“Father, thank You that Leigh is experiencing and enjoying Heaven right now. I can’t wait to experience Heaven with her. I pray that our lives on Earth will be solely for Your glory whatever that may look like. Thank You for the hope of eternal life.”
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