Day 363 - One year ago today would be the last day I'd spend with my best friend. Thankfully I remember it well, a last-minute dinner date on a Friday night. Because Leigh had to work the next day, which meant she would leave the house early, March 5th would be the last day I'd actually see her alive. The day she died we never saw each other, never even spoke to each other (except through text).
Surreal to comprehend I haven't seen her or spoken to her for a year. I struggle to believe tomorrow marks an entire year of living alone. Have I really gone to bed for a year without saying "goodnight, I love you" to her? Raising the kids without her? Living life without her? I do credit God, and God alone, for the strength of being able to get up each day this past year and live with some degree of hope. I thank Him that there have been many bright moments during this year of grief. Last night I was able to spend a few hours with Malia at our church's "Daddy Daughter Dance." We had a fantastic evening of dressing up, professional pictures, and outdoor dancing to the sounds of Justin Bieber! It was a night I won't soon forget.
And this is a decent snapshot of what the past year has been like - horrible days of pain and grief mixed with wonderful days of joy and laughter. God is more a mystery to me than ever but I've never praised him with more sincerity. I don't wish this life on anyone but I've never been closer to my kids.
So we'll keep pressing on in the midst of a very confusing life.
Prayer Requests -
- Simply for this weekend to pass quickly.
"Father thank You for last night and the time spent with Malia. May I have more moments with each of my kids that will provide opportunities for us to bond. We need that as a family. Please grant us Your peace this weekend. Fill us with Your love so the pain won't be as bad."
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