Day 80

Day 80 – Next week the kids and I are making our way to Disneyland. My school graciously provided a vacation for us. We’ve been looking forward to it for a month now and I’m really counting on it living up to it’s billing – “the happiest place on Earth.” Leigh Ann and I have many memories of Disney beginning with our honeymoon all the way through last summer. Though the kids are bouncing off the walls with excitement, it will be a true test for me. Like with everything, a lot of memories will come into play. My hope is the kids’ excitement and smiles will help pull me through.


Been a hard week now that school has let out. I very much enjoy the rest but there have been too many pockets of down time that would have been spent with Leigh had she been here. Times we were both looking forward to. The mentality was, “work hard during the school year and then we’ll make up for it during the summer.” Feel very short-changed on that deal. I’m ready to relax and now have no one to relax with. Plenty of people around. Just not that “one.”


I don’t have the slightest clue as to what I’m doing in terms of surviving this. Honestly I don’t. But one thing that I’ve been pressed with as of late is how simple life needs to be. Jesus tells me several times in the Gospel of John to “believe.” And the result of that belief is “eternal life.” John 3:15, 3:16, 6:29, 6:35, 6:40, 6:47, to name a few. Leigh Ann believed in Jesus and she gained eternal life (a.k.a. “Heaven”). Twenty four years ago I believed in Jesus and so I too have eternal life, as do millions of others. And the hope I live with today is that I will see Leigh Ann again because we both have done what Jesus told us to do in the above passages.


I’ve heard and read the many debates on what it means to “believe.” Maybe that will be on my heart to discuss at a later date. The past few days though I’ve been freed up to simply enjoy the simplicity of what life has really come down to – believing in the Son of God and living with the hope of Heaven.


Believing in the Son of God isn’t cheap, nor is it easy. By saying its “simple” I mean that it’s not a hard concept to understand. Christ died for your sins, He wants you to believe that He is the Messiah, the Savior, the King of Kings, God incarnate, etc., He wants you to follow Him, wherever He may lead you, and when you die you will enter into eternal life with Him. For most of us, the living out the “believing” part will equate to a lifetime of learning, screwing up, seeking forgiveness, appreciating grace, applying the greatest and second greatest commandments, helping those around us, loving the poor, etc. That’s incredibly hard and there are moments of great failure. But it’s not hard to understand.


I don’t have it figured out yet but I feel like there’s been a crack in the darkness with this new/old truth. Some light has shone through and it’s refreshing. When Leigh Ann passed away all the things that had consumed us – parenting, work, money, marriage – took a back seat to what life really is about. I still work, I still pay bills, I still parent. But I really think it’s all about believing in Christ, following Him, and when your time on Earth is over, you’ll enter into Heaven. The “simple” Gospel.


The beauty, to me, is that in “following Him,” He will take us all on different adventures. Different types of lives, different jobs, different marriages, different families, different struggles, different pains, different joys. But we’re all going to die. That much I know. And when we die it all comes back to believing in Him, following Him, and Heaven. Nothing else. Really, nothing else.


Leigh Ann wasn’t expecting to die on March 6th. She didn’t have her life completely in order, she didn’t have her parenting perfected, she didn’t have all the money she had hoped for. But she died nonetheless. She’ll never earn another dollar, she’ll never praise or discipline her kids, she’ll never have a chance to make amends. All that mattered on March 6th was if she believed in Christ. She wasn’t buried with her work, her kids, her things, her problems, or with me. Leigh Ann knew Jesus and she went Home to be with Him.


I miss Leigh Ann more than anyone could possibly know. I still cry until it hurts. But I’m also thankful beyond words that before March 6th Leigh Ann took Jesus up on His command to “believe.” And many of us got to see her live out that belief over the years, with God blessing me these past 13 years with a front row seat.


Does life really need to be that complicated?


My apologies for sounding preachy. Not my intention. Lots of thoughts rumbling around upstairs and had to let a few escape onto my laptop tonight.


Prayer Requests:


- Prayers for the Disney trip (June 1 – June 6). I know it sounds selfish to ask for prayers for a trip to Disney but you know what I mean.


- Prayers that my alone time this summer would be filled with His peace.


“Father, thank You for not making life terribly complicated. I’m sorry for the times when I’ve made it all about me. And I’m thankful that Leigh Ann took you up on your command. I’m thankful that she’s enjoying Heaven because You paid for her sins and by faith she believed. Not by her works but by Yours. Thank You for loving us so much that You’d die for us.”