Day 391

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011


Day 391 - Since March 6th I've had a very real transition from living in the past to focusing on the present.  This has been both challenging and freeing.  To get up each day and focus on what's infront of you rather than dwell on what you once had is challenging.  It means you must let go.  Over time you must eventually say "good bye."  And saying "good bye" to someone you were married to for 13 years is heart-wrenching.  It's also a great opportunity for the evil one to step in and claim life doesn't have to be like that.  He wants you to believe you can live the rest of your days in the past continually wishing for things that will never come to pass.  And if you choose to move forward he tries to attack you with feelings of guilt as though you're letting your loved one down because you're not spending every second of the day thinking about them.  I'm confident Leigh would laugh hard at the notion of wanting me and the kids to spend the rest of our lives focusing on memories of her. Nonetheless it's extremely difficult.  Nobody wants to let go. 


With that said I've tried hard to adjust my thinking from past to present, and I believe God is honoring that decision.  A few ways He's showed up this past week:


The Word - For Lent I decided to stop watching t.v. past 9 p.m.  I know that sounds trivial compared to those who are fasting or draping themselves with sackcloth and ashes, but those two hours after the kids go to bed before I call it a night are moments for me to unwind and relax.  Unfortunately without the dulling sensation of watching mindless television for two hours what's a guy to do?  So I've been filling my nights with other things - mainly sleep (go figure), and reading the Scriptures.  God has allowed me to have some rich times with Him, most recently a couple of days ago when I was wide awake at 1 a.m. with nothing to do (t.v. not an option!). Amazing what He can say to us when we're forced to listen.  I've been dealing with a situation as of late that has required patience and in the middle of the night my eyes were directed to Psalm 37:5 - "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Nothing magical, just God saying, "I'm here, I'm real, and I'm in control, so get some sleep." 


Work - I'm blessed to have a tremendous work environment that I love being a part of.  In addition to being able to teach the Bible to high school students every day, I have opportunities to counsel, preach, and lead.  God is allowing me to use my skill set and that comes with great amounts of satisfaction.  I was able to challenge our students this week in chapel to consider how they face temptation when they're in the wilderness (Lk 4).  Amongst some positive feedback was a senior who came to me in tears asking for prayer because that's exactly where he's at - in the wilderness.  Satisfying to know God's Word doesn't ever come back void.  Recently I've been able to lend my wisdom to our administration as to what the Bible program at our high school might look like in the immediate and distant future.  Satisfying to know your opinion counts.  Last week I challenged some of my juniors/seniors to go out and share their faith with people who don't know the Lord.  I won't share all that happened but sufficed to say it was an amazing afternoon when I read their papers on how God used them to reach a lost world.  Satisfying to know the generation behind us still desires to let their lights shine.


Kids - God has used my kids to draw me closer to Him.  The morning of April 1st I was wakened at 3:30 a.m. to some noise in the hallway.  Upon investigating I discovered Caden outside my bedroom door lining up Dixie cups, dozens of them.  Had his plan gone unnoticed he would have set up 180 cups and filled several of them with water so as to "trap" me in my room!  Both he and I were bummed when I ruined his wonderful attempt to prank his dad.  Certainly a time when I wish I was a heavy sleeper.  I drove to work so thankful that though the kids have been to hell and back they're still choosing to look at the glass being half-full.  God gave me hope through Dixie cups at 3:30 a.m.

So we press on.  

"Father, thank You for the opportunties to know You and make You known.  Thank You for showing up in so many ways this week.  You deserve my unashamed devotion."