Day 413

Day 413 - Final Entry

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4 NASB



Easter 2011

 Malia - 5 yrs old

 Bailey - 7 yrs old

 Caden - 11 yrs old

Greg - still young at heart!

I thought Easter would be a good day to write the final entry for Informings. This was the first holiday the kids and I faced alone last year so there are deep emotional ties which I’ll never forget. But more so, Easter has been and will always be the day we remember and celebrate what our Great King accomplished by rising from the grave. Jesus gained victory over death and broke the chains of sin so that we might have life, even life abundantly.

I have assigned this my final entry because I honestly believe I have an abundant life. The kids and I are doing seemingly well which by no means should anyone conclude I’ve figured out grief, loss, and pain. This also does not mean I won’t be taught a thousand things in the upcoming years about the aforementioned topics. And finally this does not mean that I don’t go to bed each night a single father who didn’t ask to be single. What it does mean however is by God’s grace, and the endless support from family and friends, the kids and I have accepted our new life. We’ve settled in to our new “normal.” We’re laughing more than we’re crying, we’re focused on what’s before us not what we lost, we’re watching each other grow up and grow old.  Leigh Ann will never be forgotten (http://leighsblankies.blogspot.com/) but we're talking about her less.

It’s a challenge to live this life and some days better than others. But isn’t that true for all of us? And thus my primary reason for ending the blog. The heartache has been replaced with the mundane. My schedule is probably dominated by the same things as yours – God, work, kids, house, activities. My problems are probably similar to your problems – schedules, money, stress, aging. And my thoughts are probably your thoughts – I hope my kids turn out alright, anytime You want to come back Jesus is fine with me, is it Monday already? I’ve always believed blogs, twitter, etc. to be vehicles for sharing things out of the ordinary. Thankfully the kids and I are drifting ever so slowly back to ordinary.

The “why” questions still remain. Most likely they’ll always remain. I figure the goal isn’t to have the questions answered as much as it is to take the days I have left and draw near to God knowing there’s still work to be done. I want to bask in His grace, run to Him in my pain, worship Him with my life, and share His love. I want to understand how to wait on the Lord because His timing is perfect, to pursue my dreams and yet accomplish His will, to live without and yet truthfully claim I have everything I need. There is still much I want to learn about the One I will spend forever with.

The blog was incredible for me to be a part of. What started as a vehicle to release some raw emotions and random thoughts ended up being such an intimate part of my journey. I’ll always be able to look back on how God revealed Himself during that first year. More importantly I’ll have something to give the kids someday so they can see how good God was to us in our deepest times of need.

Never would I have imagined so many people would want to hear about me and the kids and yet now I don’t know what last year would have looked like without each of you. Your prayers, your kind words, your wisdom. Many of us won’t cross paths until Heaven but please know I look forward to that day when we will meet face to face. You have a huge “thank you” coming your way.

Though no more posts will be added I will not delete the blog. Some of you know people who are just beginning their journey in grief and have referred them to the site. Though all I have is my experience maybe it can serve as a resource. Feel free to pass my contact information along as well (gtonkinson@gmail.com).

Thank you so very much for walking by my side.

Best,

Greg


Prayer Requests:
- Continue to pray for Kate McRae. 
- Prayers for Caden as he is getting baptized in May!
- Prayers for me waiting on God.

"Father, what a journey thus far and yet it's just begun.  Thank You for the community of people who have surrounded the kids and me with pure love.  I know one day when it's all said and done answers will be provided, mysteries will be revealed.  Until then may we walk by faith and not by sight.  Thank You for the Risen Savior who saw fit to save this sinner.  I owe Him my all.  I love You."