Day 264 - Received many emails/texts from people letting me know they were thinking about me and the kids yesterday. Appreciate it very much. Certainly was an emotional day. Many of us were thinking about Leigh as was evidenced by the tears. Hard to be truly thankful when you're missing someone as much as we all miss Leigh. I had met with my lawyer the day before to wrap up things on the legal side of the accident so thoughts of Leigh Ann, the accident, the loneliness, the ramifications of her not being with us the rest of our lives, and missing her, were with me throughout the day.
The hardest part of grief seems to be living with those thoughts/feelings all the while trying to face each day with hope. Many of us want to cry out during each event, "Does anyone hurt as much as I'm hurting right now?" But we don't because we know the answer. We're all in pain and there's not much that can be done. Meanwhile there are birthdays to be celebrated, holidays to be enjoyed, kids that are wanting dad to laugh and play. So that's what we did yesterday. We celebrated, enjoyed, and laughed. No one was naive enough to think all is better. We just don't know what else to do. Do you cancel an entire holiday? Do you spend the day inside with the shades drawn? We chose to live in community even if our community is fractured. And somehow, albeit painful, when we continue these get togethers celebrating a birthday or holiday, the reality of living without Leigh becomes just a fraction more doable. A completely and utterly horrible situation but a fraction more doable.
Continuing to trust in God has been difficult. I don't doubt His love. Infact I've probably received more blessings in the past nine months than I can remember. My struggle rests in the "why" of Leigh's death. It just didn't need to happen. My hope of being reunited with her grows stronger each day but that hope is balanced with a broken spirit. My faith has been and continues to be tested.
Yesterday the kids and I hosted our 4th Annual Thanksgiving Day Olympics. Every other year we have family and friends gather at our house for some fun competition before over indulging in the Thanksgiving feast. I won't bother boring you with who won...okay, I will bore you - the kids and I are the 4th Annual Thanksgiving Day Olympic Champions! Some pics...
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| Two years ago at our Olympics. Leigh Ann loved having fun. We miss her so much. |
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| This year's events...of course we had to have the sack race! |
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| Slo-Mo Bike Competition! |
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| Free Throw Shooting Contest! |
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| Family and Friends! |
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| Chip Shot Competition - Go Caden! |
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| Frisbee Golf! |
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| Water Balloon Toss! |
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| Handing out trophies - we spared no expense! |
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| My dad, a.k.a. Team Old Folks, won an event! |
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| Team Tonkinson celebrating! |
Prayer Requests:
- Continued prayers for Peggy's mother who is battling Leukemia. Very touch and go at this point.
- An update more than a prayer request - my dog Scrappy is still fighting off whatever has been making him sick. We found out it's not cancer.
"Father, thank You for so many family and friends who reach out to me and the kids every day. Thank You for loving us through so many. Thank You for the blessings that I so often take for granted. But mostly thank You for the cross. Thank You that Leigh Ann believed in Christ and now is rejoicing with the saints in Heaven. Thank You that I had that opportunity years ago to have my sins forgiven and now live with the reality of seeing Leigh Ann again. I miss her Father and I don't want to live my life without her. Thank You that the number of my days left on Earth pale in comparison to how many await me in Heaven. I love You."
It is so nice of you to address your emails and text`s you have recieved , it lets us know you recieved them, it will be very hard to celebrate the holidays, just remember LEIGH is still with you, it is so nice of you to share your memories, and to make new ones, you family is in my prayers. Roxanna Knipp
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