Day 146

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Day 146 - Can't we catch a break from just being able to enjoy something without the sadness ruining everything?  Caden got his new bedroom furniture today which means he got to move into his new room.  A big step for both him and Bailey. They've shared a room for the past six years so tonight is a big deal. As I tucked in each one and said prayers I could tell they were both a little scared.  I know they'll eventually enjoy this new set-up but tonight is a night they could really use their mother, to both share in their excitement and comfort their nerves.  Instead they get me.  Doing my best but certainly not anywhere near what Leigh Ann would have given them. 

I love seeing my kids grow up and yet I hate beyond words:
1.  Not having Leigh here so we can, as parents, enjoy watching our kids take this small step in growing up
2.  Not having Leigh here to tell Bailey everything is going to be okay and that he can be excited about having his own room
3.  Not having Leigh here to help Caden set up his new room and encourage him that this is a step in becoming a young man

Our family is changing.  The kids are growing up.  It's not fair that they have to do it without their mother.  It's not right.  I'm tired of smiling and crying at the same time.  I can only hope that this part of grieving goes away soon.  It won't but I can hope.  We miss Leigh Ann so much.  Life just isn't the same.  She was that good of a person, wife, and mother. 

Prayer Requests:
- Praise God that our friend's daughter's PET scan (brain tumor) came back negative.  God is good!
- Prayers that Bailey will be able to sleep through the night in his new room.

"Father, I don't what tomorrow will bring.  You promise that it will be a new day that I can rejoice in.  I wasn't expecting the night to end on a sad note so I'm asking you to give the kids a peaceful night.  I'll take some of that peace as well.  This is tough Father and I'm tired of wishing Leigh were still here.  I don't know how You'll fill the great void that's in our lives but I'm trusting You will.  Thank You Father for saving Leigh.  I honestly can't wait to see her again."