Day 152

Friday, August 6th, 2010

Day 152 - Dear Leigh Ann,
It's been five months since I've seen or heard from you.  When, for the past 13 years, we've never gone more than a day without talking to each other, five months feels like fifty years.  I miss you more than I could have ever imagined.

I thought I'd write to you tonight.  I'm not losing my mind and I know it's a letter that won't receive a response.  But that's ok.  Maybe it's a way that will help me feel closer to you.  Maybe it's just a way of dealing with the loss. 

I'm dying to know what in the world the past five months have been like for you?!  You've been in Heaven now for five months!  How crazy is that?!  I've talked about Heaven a lot since you've been gone and I can't wait to join you, but I still can't get my mind around the fact that you're home, since March, has been in Heaven.  Who have you talked to?  Who are you making friends with?  Anyone I know?  What's it like to be sin-free?!  To live in a place that's pure?  What was it like when you saw our Lord for the first time?  What was your first time worshipping in Heaven like?  I think about you every hour of every day and these are but a few of the questions I've had for you ever since you died.  Maybe you can visit me in my dreams and fill me in.

The kids and I are trying our best without you.  Honestly it's hard Sug.  We all miss you so much.  The kids talk about you all the time.  Bailey has said many times, "Dad, remember when Mommy..."  Malia was getting out of the tub today and said, "Daddy, is all the shampoo out of my hair?  Mommy used to check to see if it was all out."

Our time at the cemetery has been sweet.  I was afraid the kids would resent going but each week right after church they all know before we do anything else we're going to see your gravestone and pray.  The funeral home is just about done with your official marker.  It's a huge marker Sug.  You'd be pretty embarrassed :)  It's got your picture on it so we can see your face each week.  Again, you'd be embarrassed!  But we need to see you smiling.  It makes us feel better. 

Caden and Bay start school on Monday.  Certainly going to be a bittersweet day. I know you'd want us all to be happy but it's so hard not to wish you were right there with us.  Hopefully the boys can push through and enjoy the day as much as possible.  I know they're excited.  You should see their new school clothes and backpacks!  Looking pretty sharp!

Had a staff retreat today and we hiked around Woods Canyon Lake.  I thought of you almost every step of the way because of the time you and Caden hiked around the lake.  The day was beautiful and the scenery reminded me of Heaven.  Five months ago today, hiking, the scenery.  How could I not be consumed with thinking of you? 

I found some pictures that made me smile because they remind me of all the things I love about you.  And on this five month "anniversary," I guess I needed to remind myself of just how awesome you are.  They are such good visuals of what you were to all of us.  What you were all about:  Loving, Fun, Caring, Easy Going, Devoted to me and the kids, Godly. 

I can't imagine the next 40 years without you but I'm forever grateful for the 13 years we had.  You gave me so many wonderful memories.  I wish we could have more but until we make some new ones in Heaven these pictures will have to suffice. 

I know that someone in Heaven is wishing you a "Happy Fifth Month" today!  I was tempted to spend the day being sad but when I thought about all you've been through since March I had to stop and thank God.  You're in Heaven!  Death was only your beginning.  Our time apart is painful and hard but knowing you're okay and that we'll see each other again, I can at least get up tomorrow. 

I love you Leigh Ann.  And if I didn't say it enough when you were here I'm so sorry.  I love you. The kids love you.  Your family loves you as do your friends.  Co-workers, people from church.  I'm hard-pressed to talk to anyone who knew you who doesn't miss you. 
Give everyone in Heaven my best and I cannot wait to see you again.

All the love I have,
Greg

Thank you for adoring our kids

                                                      Thank you for laughing as much as you did

Thank you for sacrificing your time to make the kids happy

                  Thank you for not taking life too seriously

Thank you for being willing to act goofy with me

                                                                 Thank you for being such a committed friend

Thank you for loving your family

Thank you for wanting to get away and enjoy life.

Thank you for being humbly beautiful

                                                                 Thank you for loving Jesus