Day 356

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

Day 356 - The last three times I've fallen asleep I've met up with Leigh Ann.  Not once have I prayed for this because I can't stand not being in control of my dreams. Having been apart for nearly a year, the last thing I want is to be reunited with my wife without having a say in how things will go. 

All three dreams have us in the same scene.  We're on Earth and we're in a room though I can't tell exactly what kind of room.  We're back together but the reason we were apart wasn't because of her death.  More like we were separated or maybe even divorced and now we're back together.  There's definitely some hesitancy on her part which makes me want to tread so very lightly for fear of losing her again.  I'm careful with all my words and actions because losing her again is not an option.  All of the dreams are "weird" by way of the setting, why she's not excited, etc. but just being in her presence causes my heart to overflow with joy and excitement.  Not much is said and yet I can see myself (or feel myself?) smiling ear to ear.

Of course I don't want to wake up and yet inevitably I do.  My eyes open to my bedroom, I look over to Leigh's side of the bed - still empty - and I'm quickly ushered back to reality. 

Back-to-back-to-back dreams.  This morning I hoped last night would be the last of them.  A few hours with the one you love just doesn't cut it.  Some would say it's better than nothing but for me it's worse.  I'm tired of living in a place where she doesn't live so I'll spend my time thinking about the place we'll both be some day. I'm banking on spending forever with her in Heaven - a place where I can go to sleep every night for 10,000 years and wake up each morning knowing she's somewhere on the property!

My flesh is still lobbying hard for God to change His mind about no marriage in Heaven.  But whatever my relationship will be with Leigh Ann in the days ahead will be infinitely better than these days lived without her.  That I know for sure. 

Prayer Requests -
- Kids and I still fighting sickness.
- Summer plans are well underway.  Prayer for wisdom.
- Prayers for me and grieving.  Just not sure where I should be at this stage.

"Father, please make my dreams about something other than Leigh Ann.  I miss her so much and I'd just assume the next time I see her will be in Heaven where we'll be together forever.  Thank You for Your blessings in my life and may my days be spent loving You."