Sunday, April 4, 2010
29 Days without Leigh – Easter Sunday. First holiday. We did everything we would normally do if Leigh was here. Kids woke up and hunted for candy, opened their baskets. Went to church. Went to the cemetery (guess we wouldn't normally do this). Went to Leigh's parents for a few hours. Went to my mom's for a few hours. Came home and watched the kids divide up the pile of Easter booty. The benefit to doing this as opposed to staying home all day was to the kids things felt somewhat normal. Playing with cousins, going on three Easter egg hunts, eating lots of food. We ended the day by popping popcorn, watching a little t.v., and thanking God for a "good" Easter Sunday.
Leigh was noticeably absent. Her laugh, her conversation, her smiling because the kids are having a blast, her loving spending the day with family and friends, her putting together Easter baskets, her shopping for Easter outfits, her making everyone else happy because she would be so happy.
The day was filled with a number of highs for me. Church was great. The singing made me pause more than once just to consider what a joy it its to praise God. The message was all about Jesus, the resurrection, and coming to know Him personally. Knowing what I know about where Leigh Ann is and why she's there, I was so thankful to hear our pastor no sugar-coating anything. Just a good day at church. Watching the kids run around hunting for eggs – a high for me. For a few hours they could just focus on having fun, eating candy, and enjoying life.
Not so high moments came in little spurts throughout the day. Nothing terrible, just catching a moment here and there where I so wanted Leigh to be here. Moments came at church, at her moms, and my moms. Heard a few songs on the radio that caused some tears. And what made the day tiring was having to wrestle with those moments. Each time this would happen I'd take a shot of "hurt" to the heart and then have to spend some time getting through it. This isn't a new experience, but today the "moments" were three or four times the normal amount per day. So it felt like a constant, "Leigh should be here for this," type day.
I'm confident of this though - that the day would've been a complete disappointment if not for everyone's prayers. Throughout the day there were moments of peace, joy, and happiness. I was very glad for those times and I know that I and kids were experiencing those because of the relentless prayers of so many.
I'm thankful to have gotten through our first holiday. I think each one will be different and it's just going to be a matter of waking up and experiencing that day without Leigh. I'd give anything to not have to walk through this next year knowing each birthday and holiday will be celebrated without Leigh Ann. There are a lot of people around but there's a definite absence. I think it's going to be just accepting that these particular days are going to be hard, but we can still find things to celebrate. I know Leigh Ann wouldn't be happy with everyone spending the day in mourning. She was just such a big part of these days that it's so hard to not think about her.
Prayer Requests
- Energy for tomorrow. The weekend both emotionally and physically was more tiring than usual.
- The kids second round of counseling (Tuesday).
- A local neighborhood is donating some of the proceeds of their neighborhood party to the Memorial Fund. Prayers that God would bless those who worked at putting this together.
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