Day 39

Wednesday, April 14, 2010
39 Days without Leigh – Feet. For some reason last night I was missing Leigh Ann's feet. The reason – many nights we would say "good night," have a good night kiss, and then we would criss cross our feet for a few minutes (until it got annoying and you just wanted to get some sleep!). When I got into bed last night I instinctively put my feet toward her side of the bed. No feet to criss cross with. So, like most nights there was a feeling of loneliness as I drifted to sleep. God walks with us in our pain and at times He provides comfort when we least expect it. At 3 a.m. I heard Bailey yell, "Dad!" "What?" "Can I come sleep with you?" Normally I would have said "no," because sleeping with Bailey can be an adventure (apologies to his future wife). But I said, "Come on in," and so he did. The first thing I did? Criss crossed our feet! He must've thought it was a bit weird! But for me it felt good. Felt somewhat normal. It didn't last for long as we both had heavy eyes, but it lasted long enough. Thanks God.
Today was up and down, up and down, and currently has been down for a few hours. Got Leigh's autopsy report in the mail. Read it. Words can't describe how terrible it is to read your spouse's autopsy report. Feel like I'm back at square one regarding grieving. Exhausting.
Ups and downs. Ups and downs.
"Father, thank You for providing some comfort last night in the form of a 6 yr old. Thank You for caring about my pain. Thank You for hope."