Day 33

Thursday, April 8, 2010
33 Days Without Leigh – 33 days of living in a world that's been demolished. What will 333 days be like? 3,333 days be like? The thought makes me nauseous. The days are long and the nights are even longer. Not because the hours have been extended. Rather because the nights are when Leigh and I would spend the most of our time together. And every night for the past 33 days I've looked for her, thought of her, wished she were here, wanted to talk with her, hold her, laugh with her, heck, I'd even take fighting with her. I've just wanted Leigh Ann. And what I looked at last night were some pillows neatly stacked on her side of the bed. Cried some, but then got tired of crying because I noticed that sometimes part of crying is knowing someone will be there to comfort you. I have a new friend now – loneliness, but he's not a very good friend and I don't need his comfort. I was needing Leigh Ann's comfort and the reality of this situation is until Heaven, her comfort isn't available to me anymore. All to say, tough night. The end of the week seems to do this to me. Really hoping it's not a pattern. I don't want to dread the weekend.
Part of the problem, I think, was a busy week. Meetings, counseling, work. A double-edged sword because we want a sense of normalcy but "normal" for us has always meant "busy." Three kids 10 yrs old and younger, sitting around the house for very long isn't an option! So, I'm trying to learn to balance all of this and when to say "no."
The upsides this week have included: kids doing well in school, counseling seems to be going well, Malia went to a Disney Tea Party with her Aunt Reagan at my high school, and my work giving me a fairly smooth week so far. Lots of times where we've smiled throughout the week so there are still many things to be thankful for.
Prayer Requests –
Managing the schedule