Day 13

Friday, March 19, 2010
Day 13
1:59 a.m. Can't sleep. Wish I could because I know tomorrow will be another long day. Of course I've got two little munchkins in my bed that roll around a lot so that keeps me up as well. They're so precious. Sleeping, prayerfully dreaming good dreams.
Set up some counseling for some time soon. Never know how these things will go but I'm wondering if all the kids are doing ok. Not that they're doing badly right now but I don't want to get blindsided one day.
Might get an alarm system on the house. And will want to put away some money for a car. Things like this where it's a fine line between being wise and feeling secure, and trusting God that things will be alright. Don't know what to do.
Just read more of Leigh's tributes from co-workers. She was truly a special woman. I love her so much and can't believe, as I write this, that she has died. I want her to see her kids. I want her kids to know that Leigh Ann did not want this. That more than anything she wanted to be here for every moment of their lives. I still don't understand the "why" in all of this. We're filling our days with activities but in the end they're all pretty empty because of her not being here. No one for me to share my thoughts with. No one to give me feedback, counsel, encouragement. I need my wife here. I need Leigh Ann.
"Father, in Your wisdom, please make things right. My wife is gone and her kids are now without a mother. My wife is gone and I'm missing her so much. How will life be when it's just me and these three wonderful kids? Why did You decide that Leigh would die after 35 years? What is Your plan because I can't see any good in this. Yes people are drawn closer to You and people may even come to know You. But at the cost of her life? It's just a hard fact and I'm not ready to make that sacrifice. I just don't understand."