9:45 p.m.
Just a quick note to say that I believe I "felt" the prayers of the righteous tonight. Thousands have been praying for us, in particular the students at Valley who gathered for a prayer vigil this evening. And I've felt the best I've felt since the news. Still deep, deep in the woods but just a glimmer of feeling better. So many have stopped by and have encouraged me with their words that they and several others are in prayer for me, the kids, and everyone involved.
Leigh Ann was killed by a wreckless driver. The details are still coming in. Either she was at a stop light and got him from behind, or she was being passed and the car that passed her hit an oncoming car which then hit her. Doesn't make one bit of difference. I know with confidence she was just trying to come home. Not doing anything wrong. Today, the anger emotion came on strong. I'm so mad at the kid who took my wife's life. This 20 year-old who took a mother from her three children. I wanted to exact revenge on his family. Carl Block told me that he was the second child to die within a year and a half in that family from a car crash. I'm still angry with him. He's dead and for me that's good only in the sense that I don't have to spend my days trying to chase him down and do unspeakable things to him. But I'm still angry with anyone who knows him. I know I can't be that way but for now this is how I feel.
We chose a grave site today. So, so very beautiful. Way to expensive! Leigh and I will be buried on top of each other and then Larry and Peggy bought the plot next to ours. Larry paid for the entire thing and I wanted to help but he wouldn't let me. It's such a kind gesture on their part. And boy is this place nice. I'm so thankful that I'll be buried where Leigh is buried. I honestly can't wait for that day. I'm no longer afraid of dying. I'm more like Paul in Philippians, who wants to go "home" and be with the Lord (and be with Leigh Ann!).
I was talking with her today and asked that she not forget me and that I want to be with her so bad. I really do. My days on Earth are numbered and while I desire now, more than ever, to run the race well, and proclaim Jesus to those I meet, I can't wait to get home and reunite with Leigh and "do" heaven together. I can't wait for our family to reunite in heaven. The Tonkinsons will have a blast in heaven!
Today I had to pick out pictures for the slide shows and pick some music to go along with them. So very hard to do.
Tomorrow I'll meet with Matt to discuss the service plans. Should be another hard day. I'm tired so hopefully I'll have some uninterrupted sleep.
"Leigh, I miss you and my heart aches for us to be together again. I love you so, so very much sug. I know you're getting used to your new house in heaven but I need you here. Whatever God's plan is, I know it's for the best. I just can't see it right now. Please help me raise our children. I'm counting on us doing this together. I truly love you Leigh Ann."
"Father, I pray to You and You alone. Thanks for allowing me to talk with Leigh. It's very helpful. I worship You and would like to have some answers. Take the hurt and anger from me. Please allow me to reunite with Leigh. Please allow my years on Earth to be lived for You. I want to serve my King and run the race well. Give me the strength to do just that."
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