Day 17

Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day 17 without Leigh – have a few pictures of Leigh with kids as they took a trip to Sedona a few months ago. A few of the pics are of the four of them in a forest or near a bunch of trees. Striking images. Clear, beautiful. The grass is a rich green, the leaves are multi-colored. She's smiling and they're hiking. And I love these pictures. I immediately see Heaven in these shots.
I showed the boys the pictures as they went to bed tonight and told them that maybe God has given mommy some kids to care for in Heaven. Kids that are waiting for their moms and dads to join them. And maybe God has given Leigh Ann some kids that she can love on (like only she could do) until we get to Heaven. In that moment it seemed to make sense for the three of us. Bailey followed up with, "but we're still mommy's family right? Our family will be together in Heaven right dad?" And I couldn't help but have a moment of joy in telling him, "You bet Bay." For 5 seconds or so I was actually content. A very much needed 5 seconds.
I don't know how God has this all worked out. I don't know what Leigh is experiencing in Heaven other than this truth: she's experiencing joy which means she's happy, which means she's smiling a lot. I don't know what she's smiling about specifically, but I am glad that she's smiling. I know we're not forgotten here on Earth. I know she still has a deep love for me, the kids, her family, and friends. I know that. But I also know that Her Father, who loves her more than all of us combined, has her wrapped up in His love and He knows how to guide her through however long it takes until every last one of us joins her in Heaven. I know she knows that we're in pain and suffering because of her death, but I have to believe that she would want us to live for Christ with the days we have left, because she now knows how wonderful Eternity is, and soon we'll all be there.
I haven't turned any pages and I'm still racked with grief, pain, heartache, sleepless nights, and unanswerable questions. But these pictures that I just happen to come across have brought me some much needed reprieve. If only for a few minutes then so be it. For now I'll gladly take it.