Day 16

Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 16 – heart is breaking right now. Malia is reading "The ABC" book with Grandma Peggy as I work at the computer. I can hear Leigh giggling with Malia and reading with her, "Big A, little a, what begins with A?..." Now Malia is singing "the alphabet song" – "A,B,C,D,E,F,G…"
Why in the world isn't Leigh Ann her to enjoy watching her daughter grow up? Why isn't she here to say, "Bedtime in 15 minutes!" Why isn't she here to give me a hug or to let me rub her shoulders because she's worked hard all day? Why isn't she here?
She's not here and will never be here on Earth again because she was waiting to come home. She was waiting to do all the things I just listed above. She was simply waiting.
And don't tell me about sovereignty and providence and plans and timing. All I know is that Chris Oberg got in his car and drove fast and reckless not just for a few moments, not just for a split second. He made a series of bad choices, one after the other, over and over again. For miles he drove without care. And then he plowed into the back of my wife's car so hard he broke her neck.
Don't tell me how nice of a kid he was. Don't tell me how we all make mistakes. Please don't ever tell me this is something we'll just have to learn from.
Leigh Ann lost her life all and only because Chris Oberg decided to get in his car and drive without care. Leigh Ann died because Chris Oberg killed her. Leigh Ann died because Chris Oberg became a killer and she was his victim. He may not have known her prior to the accident, but the second his car hit hers, he became a killer. I will forever know him as a killer.
My kids will never know their mother after March 6^th. We had just finished the morning at a local carnival and were enjoying a down day. Just waiting for mom to get home so we could begin enjoying our Spring Break. My kids will never know again what it's like to wait for mom to come home, to hear mom's voice on the phone, to listen to mom cheer them on at games, to watch mom laugh at their silly jokes, to watch a movie with mom, to hear how mom's day was, to watch mom and dad love each other. Never ever again.
It's too overwhelming.
It's not that we can't make it. It's not that we'll never smile again. It's not that the kids won't grow up to be productive citizens for society. It's not that the kids won't be used by God in great ways. It's simply that all of these things will take place without Leigh Ann. And if there was one person who, more than anything in the world, wanted to experience these things with her family, it was Leigh Ann.
And because of that, my heart, if it was in the least bit healed, has been broken once again.