Tough morning once again. My body is so tired, but not half as tired and heavy as my heart. Each hour brings with it new information about the death, new people to talk with, new people to cry with, more explaining of how I feel, more thanking people, more sitting and doing nothing, more of everything. Larry brought over the slideshow Lance made. I can't watch it. Leigh's obituary was in the paper today. It breaks my heart. I held Malia tight today and we just watched t.v. It was only for a few minutes but I felt so good just to have my daughter to hold. It made me miss Leigh so much. Leigh loved being here with the kids. Waking up and starting a new day with them. This was supposed to be my "break" from school where we could all just hang out as a family. Instead we're picking out clothes for my wife who was killed, looking at a car that is unrecognizable, looking at videos, talking about what a great person she was, figuring out schedules and constantly wondering how the kids are doing. I want to tell people that I'm struggling today but then that will just make them sad. I simply want to go back to bed and sleep forever. My kids mean the world to me so I can't do that but I'm so tired.
"Father, today has only begun and I'm very tired. I'm hurting and I need to be covered in Your love. Please assure me Leigh is well and that I can get through today. I am hating all of this. I want Leigh back. I want my wife back. I want my kids' mother back. I don't see the good in this and I'm tired of telling people there's a plan in all of this."
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